So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
