Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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