remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
