So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
