just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I touched a dick in church today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
