He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
