Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
