Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
