I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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