dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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