I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
