Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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