i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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