Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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