I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
