Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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