He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this will be a night to untag.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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