you would pick up someone in the library
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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