For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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