i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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