omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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