I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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