I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
