I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have already put on my inside pants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
