I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
