If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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