idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
