You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
