just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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