I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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