Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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