Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
