im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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