Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
