i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So vagazzling was a success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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