Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
