I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
