So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
