I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
