What a fucking waste of an outfit
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
