omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
someone owes me an orgasm
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
