Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
