they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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