Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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