You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
