Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
