White coat. Heels.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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