My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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