dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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