I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
