Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's Friday. Sex?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
